


From the tree

by Kamikama



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Ash Lynx is 15 here, Gen, Mentions of Ash Lynx's Past, Pre-Canon, Reflection, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29385894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamikama/pseuds/Kamikama
Summary: Fifteen-year-old Ash runs away from Golozine's mansion. He walks around thinking about sex and other topics.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	From the tree

**Author's Note:**

> I'm an emotional wreck right now and this came out.

_“Sex”_

He hated the word itself. There was something in its phonemes that made it sound disgusting to his ears. He couldn’t conjure any mental image in which “disgusting” wouldn’t be the right adjective to describe it. Everything about it was repulsive, and it was obvious that the teens he had just heard talking in the park didn’t know a damn thing about it.

They were probably 15, just like him. They were completely fascinated by what he guessed what a very erotic picture of the girlfriend of one of them. They whistled and howled like animals. He sighed and stood up from the bench he was sitting, walking away from them. He felt sorry for the poor girl.

He walked a few meters away from them, clutching a cigarette on his fist inside his denim jacket. He tossed it on a trashcan when he had the chance. He sniffed his hand, and his nose scrunched up when he smelled the strong scent of tobacco. He had stolen the item from one of Golozine’s men, thinking he might want to try it just to ruin that pig’s most precious merchandise.

He couldn’t.

He didn’t want to smell like _them_. He hated anything related to _them_. Which is why he also hated the word _sex_. He loathed the feeling of anything sticky on his body, whether it would be body lotion or aloe gel. Water did never fully wash away the feeling of shame. Ash despised anything tight around his body, so whenever Dino got him expensive jewelry, he would break it. His white cotton t-shirt was loose and safe. _“Just like Griffin’s”_.

Besides hating it, he didn’t get it. What was it about sex that was so attractive to everyone? Sex was a whole industry, not only in the most obvious spheres like prostitution but also everywhere else where he looked. He saw people struggle to be sexually desired, both men and women. Yeah, sure, at his young age he had learned that he could get what he wanted by playing smart, but he would give it all up for a normal boring life.

He would give it all up for a _life_.

He climbed a tree and let his body rest on one of the branches. He knew Golozine’s bodyguards would be looking for him in no time. He had started to run away from the mansion more often now, knowing that the guards would find him sooner or later. He still enjoyed the illusory feeling of freedom.

“He cannot be far! This is the closest place…” he heard a guy in the distance.

Just in time.

“I know, I know…” he saw Marvin mutter below the tree with a cigarette on his mouth. “That punk…”

Again, the smell. Marvin was the perfect embodiment of what sex represented to him. A big filthy fight of power you want to get away from. From this position, he was sure he could get a perfect shot between the bastard’s eyes.

Ash rested his face on his left hand and finger-gunned Marvin with the other.

_“Bang”_

He sighed.

What he would give to be someone else.

He heard the guards leave and he rolled into his back, grabbing a branch beside him to secure his position. He swallowed thick and continued thinking about the word itself.

The worst of all, he thought, was that it was getting difficult to tell whether it was sex or himself he despised so much. Weren’t all these things appropriate to describe him too?

He closed his eyes.

He was the one sticky and sweaty at the end of each time it happened. He was the one feeling shallow and used, his skin burning raw and pulsing under every fucking touch. After the years, he had started to just let it happen, and he hated himself even more for that.

He could feel his eyes filling with tears and he let out a bitter laugh instead.

_“Pleasure?”_ he thought. _“What a joke…”_

He opened his eyes and looked at the blue sky beyond the leaves. He heard some children laughing and playing in the distance, and he smiled tiredly but genuinely this time. The summer breeze caressed his skin and he allowed himself to stay there a bit longer. The sky was beautiful. It was open, free, and no one could control it. A bird flew into the branch he was holding, and it sat there hopping from time to time. Its wings had blue hues and its small back eyes looked around with curiosity.

Ash smiled again.

_“Fly… Fly far away…”_ he thought as he extended his pale hand, but the bird didn’t go away. _“Fly while you can”_

The bird hopped around but stayed in the tree. Ash enjoyed its company as he continued wondering what it would be like to be free. Although he would never admit it, Ash allowed himself to imagine a different future when he was alone. He dreamt of Christmas, birthday parties and having classmates, or even better, friends. Today, however, looking at the little bird gather small twigs, he wondered if there was a soulmate out there for him. He knew that some birds stayed together for life, and he pondered if humans were capable of that too. If that person existed, they would have to stay by his side knowing how broken he already was. 

He sighed again, hope leaving his chest. 

No. He knew that was almost impossible. Even if that person was alive, they would have to be lucky enough to meet each other, and how big is this world anyways? 

The little bird chirped as if saying goodbye and flew away. Ash watched it dissapear in the sky and he thought about what it would be like to have wings. 

“He’s here! On the tree!” he heard below him.

But as he didn’t have them, he planted his feet on the ground.

Flying would have to wait.


End file.
